What if I never get to see the end?
What if I never get to love the way I used to dream about doing?
What if my veins dry out or my brain shatters into a million pieces?
Would I still be too much for you?
Would my decaying body still make you jealous?
Would my absent voice still threaten you with the truth?
That you never took responsibility for your actions
How they crippled me
That you only ever saw yourself as the victim
That you declare the you’re always right
That love comes with conditions
That because the number on your birth certificate calculates out an age greater than mine, that somehow your pain is the only one that matters
Bad memories don’t negate the good ones
But disrespect sure does
I’d like to say you're crazy
I’d like to say that you're a complete narcissist with the emotional intelligence of a middle schooler, praising toxic positivity
I don’t blame you for embodying the circumstances that were given to you
Hell, I don’t even blame you for making the same mistakes more than once
I do however, blame you for declining ownership of those mistakes
I blame you for not accepting how your life turned out
I blame you because you refuse to do better
I blame you because time and time again you’ve proved to me, that the only perspective that matters is your own
I find myself too stubborn to die, but also desperate to never do this again.
- Rachel Kathryn <3